Trust Vs. Doubt

Hopefully you've had some time after reading yesterday's post to really think about your relationship with God and to question both your motives and your actions. I also hope you've come to some realizations that will allow your relationship with Him to grow stronger!

Me, I had a pretty awful day in that regard. I spent much of it stressing and doubting myself and wondering where I might have gone off the tracks that so many things could be falling apart all at once. Don't get me wrong, never does it leave my thoughts that there are many who have it worse...even some who are close to me. Maybe part of it for me is feeling so trapped and hamstrung because of my own stupidity. I want desperately to just take everyone I care about and help them and be there for them...but it's hard to do when I am stuck in my own mud pit, mashing the accelerator with all intensity and just watching the wheels spin and sink deeper.

It's an emotional pit I really wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It's also indicative of me not practicing what I spend so much time preaching to you on this blog or in a Bible study. That isn't cool and I won't allow myself to spend much time there lest you start thinking I'm a big fake. That, and it doesn't honor God which...you know...is kind of a big deal too.

The bottom line is that you can't trust God and doubt Him at the same time. You have to come down on one side of that argument at any given point in time. Some of us may even spend a good deal of time bouncing back and forth between them but that's another day's blog. We need to learn that our doubts, just like our pride, lead us away from God's will and into a place of desperation. Desperation easily leads us to a point where we just start reacting and trying even harder to do it all ourselves, when what we really need be doing is trashing those doubts and our pride early on, realizing as we do that these are the times when we need to heap all of it together and pass it up to God the most! When trust in God becomes our focus instead of doubt or pride, it means that we're free to do the work that He's prepared us to do.

I fell into that pit yesterday. I let things get to me and started looking for that panic button. I went into reactionary mode instead of reliance mode. Rest assured, by the end of the day and with a bunch of help from my wife and my friends (you know who you are!) I had regained my spiritual footing. As always, God uses our weaknesses for His good and turns them into strengths. If even one of you manages to relate to my predicament, even in a small way, and this helps you get through yours with grace, peace, and strength next time...well, then it was all worth it in the end.

I liken this back and forth process of trust and doubt to the story of Habakkuk. The book of Habakkuk begins with his plea to God. A plea filled with doubt:

Chapter 1:2-3(NLT) -- How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! "Violence!" I cry, but you do not come to save. Must I forever see this sin and misery all around me? Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. I am surrounded by people who love to argue and fight.

He ends the book with a prayer that is as much a song of worship, but look at how drastically it contrasts with what you read from the beginning. This passage is overflowing with praise for and trust in God:

Chapter 3:2(NLT) -- I have heard all about you, Lord, and I am filled with awe by the amazing things you have done. In this time of our deep need, begin again to help us, as you did in years gone by. Show us your power to save us. And in your anger, remember your mercy.

verses 18-19(NLT) -- yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will me as a surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.

At the end of the day I will trust in the Lord. I will ask forgiveness for my failures and sing praise for my successes that cannot come at all except through Him. And I will hug my kids, kiss my wife, and put my head on my pillow to rest knowing that today's successes were nothing but the result of yesterday's failures.